Anyone who knows me long enough, knows that dressing in a more bohemian way has ALWAYS been me. Flowy tops and empire waists – totally me. However, I can no longer deny that dressing like this has now become more of a necessity rather than a choice due to the amount of weight I have gained over the past 2 years. Sure, Jon and I joke about our “Mom-bod” and “Dad-bod” as we both settle into middle age and parenthood, but the truth is I’ve never been bothered much about it until now. Before having kids, my size was pretty steady. I was never super skinny, but I was comfortable and confident in my skin. When I got pregnant, of course I wondered what my body would look like after (and actually would have expected what I have now). But to my surprise, I actually dropped an additional 20 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight! So of course, I thought that would happen with Baby #2….. yeah, not so much.
What do we do when something bad happens? We try to rationalize it. Let’s see, in the last 2 years I’ve moved, changed jobs, had a second child, etc….. Surely the stress of all that change did it, right? Just like we say kids gain the “freshmen 15” when they go to college or newlyweds are so blissfully happy they let go of those worries. It’s a hard thing to own up to some of the real reasons like poor food choices or lack of exercise (although you would think chasing 2 kids around would be enough)! While I do realize stress and lack of sleep isn’t helping me at all, they are not the only things to blame.
Part of me just wants to say screw it! I want to just enjoy life and eat what I want and not worry about it. But then I see an unflattering picture of myself and I am like “holy shit Heather, you have to do something”! I don’t want to look like this or feel like this for the rest of my life, stressing more on the “how I feel” part. I realize the importance of good health not only for my sake but for my family. I am tired of being tired. What’s the answer? Work out, it will give you energy! But I’m too tired to work out. It’s a vicious cycle. I’ve even invested into some books/plans so you would think that if I spent money on something I would follow through. I’ve read the Fast Metabolism Diet and I am a member of the MuTu (short for Mummy Tummy) program which is specific to help that area after pregnancy. I have so little time to myself though, the last thing I want to do is use it on food preparation and working out. But, I know I need to make it a priority. This all being said, I will say that our Blue Apron meals are excluded from my complaints. I feel wonderful eating them because I know it is all fresh, clean food and good portions. I just wish there were a service for breakfast, lunch and snacks! Maybe there is and I just need to find it. Oh, and a personal trainer. See, if I had someone do all of the “busy” work for me that seems to take the most time (the planning) I could totally do it! Just show up and tell me how to work out. Have my meal ready and I will eat it. But alas, I am not a celebrity and can’t afford that lifestyle.
Thanks for letting me vent. I don’t know what the perfect answer is yet, but baby steps. I will say this though…… maybe the way I look or dress sparks rumors of another baby, but I will continue to dress how I always have. Hopefully though, what is underneath will change. I don’t want to give up my fancy coffee drinks. I want to be able to get my rings off my fingers again. I don’t want my feet to get any wider. Even at my thinnest I never had a flat tummy or thigh gap. I want to be realistic. I don’t want this to take over my life. I want to enjoy life!
Everleigh "Ipomoea" Tunic - Anthropologie
High Rise Jegging - American Eagle
Sandals - Payless
Jessica Simpson Sunglasses - TJ Maxx
Lucky Brand Necklace